What?

I've been in the barrel twice.

That's Just Not Right

"It's all fun and games until the bear eats your monkey."

How Nice is Too Nice?

Some people are just too nice.  But there is, apparently, a way to deal with that.

"Yeah, she is very nice, but almost to an obnoxious fault. Sometimes I wanted to slap a kitten in front of her just to calm her down."

Shorten That, Please

"Why is the word abbreviate so long?"

Pets vs Children

"I have dogs, not children, because I would rather ruin my carpet than my life."

Why Are You Broke After Marriage?

"Marriage just shows that two can live as cheaply four."

Love

"Love is nature's way of making you do something stupid."

Facebook IS NOT the Internet

"For fuck's sake, people. Facebook IS NOT the internet!"

WWLD

While discussing how to get promoted ...

"What Would Lumbergh Do?"

Besides Jennifer Aniston, of course.

So, if you could be here around 9, that would be great.

That's so 1975

While discussing Apple, someone brought up the iWatch ...

"I don't need a watch. That's so 1975."

I hope Apple brings back ALL of 1975. I want an outfit like the guy in yellow pants:

From the 1975 JC Penny catalog

Image Source: http://janceedunn.typepad.com/wwwjanceedunncom/2007/09/jc-penneys-19-1.html

English Degree

Discussing degree plans ...

"What does a degree in English qualify you to do? Work at McDonald's and ask, 'Wouldst thou like fries with that?'"

VB6 4EVER

During a developer meeting ...

"Quick, someone call Microsoft and tell them we're having a compatibility problem running VB6 on Windows 7."

Taking Car of the Baby

In reference to helping his wife take care of midnight feedings ...

"I'm about to have to lay down the law."

Ha ha ... he's never getting laid again.

Car Shopping

From a co-worker who is shopping for a new car ...

"Buying a car must be what it's like to be a woman.  Every guy you talk to is trying to fuck you."